<body scroll="auto">
Sunday, December 23, 2007
the rules of the game
Rules exist to maintain order, to promote fairness. Rules exist to prevent biases, to put off injuries. But the rules of the game of THIS one is different. In this game, there are no rules. No order, no fairness. All biases, all injuries.

There is no name for this game.

Like a game of ball, there is a play:

she smiles.
he falls.

Like any other game, there are rules:

she loves.
he leaves.

There is no name for this game.

photo by:smackitphotobooth

9:40 AM

Self Help
Is a relationship of mutual dependence possible?
Yes, but there is always a chance one party is more vulnerable than the other
because at any time, the other party could just walk away from the relationship they work hard to build because for some reason he/she perceives the benefit of leaving higher than the cost of staying.
In a sense, it is only when each party realizes that they still have control over their own entities, that they recognize their sovereignity.
If you’re a liberalist, there might appear this notion that
“maybe this one’s different”
but then again, what guarantee does one have?
One must engage in self-help, and act cautiously to the idea of ventures requiring trust since in a state of anarchy;
the name of the game, is survival.
6:42 AM

six steps to a security dilemma
step 1. he had fallen for her, but he is scared. she can't know. so he channels his love to someone else.
step 2. she falls for him. she gets jealous. he has someone else. he can't know. she channels her love to someone else.
step 3. he gets jealous, but he can't show. because she has someone else. he doubles his effort to someone else.
step 4. she is scared. she can't show. because he has someone else, and she has someone else. so she builds on her relationship with someone else.
step 5. he can't have her, but he's falling even more for her, but she can't know. they both have someone else.
step 6. she falls even more for him. but she what she knows is that he loves someone else. so she keeps herself away from him, and goes with someone else.

and it just goes on....
and on....
and on...

*security dilemma: a concept in realism. "in the course of providing for one's own security, the state in question will automatically be fueling the insecurity of other states." "Security dilemma exists when the military preparations of one state create an unresolvable uncertainty in the mind of another as to whether those preparations are for defensive purposes only (to enhance its security in an uncertain world)....."(Realism by Timothy Dunne) so other states raise up their defenses, and in the process, makes the initial state insecure enough to re-raise it's defenses.


4:15 AM

MUGing sino ka man...
I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop, just me and my mug.

I look in my mug, and it's empty.

It has always been.

I sat in my favorite seat, one where I am able to watch people pass by.
I see different people, and as I watch them pass by, I know they don't notice me.

But sometimes they wave and recognize I was just there, waiting for someone to say hi, but I know they just come to go, they just pass by.

Then you had to come in.

You sat in front of me, and saw my empty mug.

You offered to fill it with your special blend.

So I accepted.

I let you fill my mug.

and it looked promising, I tried it, and it made me feel warm inside.

You came and made me try something new, something that wasn't me, and I let you.

I handed you back my mug,

to make you feel the same way I felt.

You smiled and held my mug,

but because of your carelessness,

you dropped it.

It fell.

It shattered.

You looked at me, then went out the door, afraid to face what you have done to my mug.

And I stand alone.

By my favorite seat.

Looking at my shattered mug, its pieces just scattered on the floor. Everything happened so fast. I bend and pick up the pieces of the mug I took so much care for. A mug which I entrusted to someone I never expected to break it.

Yet he did.

It will take a while to piece them together. And the cracks will forever be part of it.

And I stand there, realizing I should have just stayed with my empty mug.

and now I'm more alone than ever.

What hurts more is

I still thirst for that blend that once filled my mug.

2:33 AM

and nothing else
A rusty, frail chair in that perfect, little spot overlooking the sea. The sound of the wind and the waves crashing. The dark sky. And nothing else.

This is her favorite spot. And nothing else.

This is her spot. And nothing else.

Here, she dreams about the stars and how they could make her wishes come true. She closes her eyes, concentrates on the feeling she gets from her favorite spot. And nothing else.

Here, all her heartache is gone; vanished in an instant. Here, she turns back into the girl who believes. The boy, who then, broke her heart, turns into that perfect boy again. Their memories, that would usually give her nothing but nightmares and trauma, turn into the perfect fairytale again. And nothing else.

There is no ‘the end’ in her spot. The story went on chapter after chapter.

Here, she could delete all the bad things in her life. The spot was her ‘recycle bin’. All the heartache and heartbreaks would be gone in just one click.

Here, there is a ‘rewind’. Back into the times when he’d hold her tight like there was no tomorrow. When he’d just look into her eyes for the longest time and when she’d ask “why?”, he’d keep silent and then he’d say “it’s you. And nothing else.

Here, there is a 'saved' button. It goes back into the moment when he’d surprise her at her porch, one February morning with the biggest sign that says: “will you be my valentine?”. It goes back into the moment when he’d carry her home because her feet hurt from those 4-inch stilettos she had on at the night of their prom. It goes back into the moment when it was just them. And nothing else.

It goes back into the moment when he’d point to a dull corner (resembling that of an ugly wedding centerpiece), just overlooking the sea. It goes back into the moment when he’d lead her there. To the dull and uninviting spot.

It had nothing but a rusty, frail chair placed in a spot where it overlooked the sea. The sound of the wind and the waves crashing. The dark sky. And nothing else.

12:36 AM

Saturday, December 22, 2007
the wind.
I'm standing so firm with conviction that i won't fall for him,
and he's like the wind trying to knock me down, trying to make me fall,
any plans on catching me because it's not in his nature.

No. It is not in the nature of the wind to catch.
It is only good in sweeping you off your feet, then drop you off in some unknown land.
So i'm scared. I'm scared to be swayed by the wind that is he. So I don't move.

I stand firm.

Until I am sure that the wind will take me to paradise.

But then again, it is not in the nature of the wind to catch.

and when it sweeps you off your feet, it will take you to an unknown place, and once you get there, you realize you're alone. the wind has left.

It was just passing by.

5:08 AM

Kinah, Trizia, and Sarah are Political Economy students from the University of Asia and the Pacific.





Designer: Fish_fries
Photo: Photo
Font: Dafont
Brush: 1 2
Hosts: 1 2